When I was a little boy, my dad was the centre of my
universe. I have never loved, admired or
respected a man as much as my dad.
My father loved nature, particularly animals, all he ever
wanted to be was a park ranger. The idea of looking after a natural habitat
and the animals that lived there made him so happy that when he would talk
about it, he would sometimes cry. But my dad never became a park ranger. Why? It wasn’t
possible to fulfil that role, as well as his gender role of provider for a
family. Instead, my father who was only educated till year six
because his school was destroyed during World War II, did jobs he hated, but
paid money.
My father worked in the mines where he nearly died several
times in the use of explosives. He
worked in abattoirs—killing the animals he loved—where he nearly died after
contracting Q-Fever. He worked as a truck
driver where he nearly died by losing control of a semi-trailer on black
ice. He worked as a store manager in a
truck assembly line, sorting and cataloguing truck parts until two of the
vertebrae in his spine collapsed—crushed by a combination of the weight he
carried daily and early onset osteoarthritis caused by starvation during his
formative years.
When he was too weak, too broken to keep doing that, he took
a job as a cleaner until the stress of a severe heart attack ended his ability
to walk more than a few steps at a time.
My mother raised the children.
My father raised the money.
They were equitable partners (What's the difference between equal and equitable? Read this.).
Every day of my childhood, my father got up before the sun
came up, then came home after it was dark to provide for his family. He would collapse on the couch most nights,
too tired to move, and I would lie on his chest and hug him while he watched
the news. At the end of each week he
would walk in the door and hand my mother his pay. I never once saw more than $20 in his
wallet—my mother managed our finances and when dad wanted to buy something, he
asked her for money.
I respect that what BOTH my parents did, was sacrifice. Modern
Feminist ideology does not.
The second-wave Feminist concept of Patriarchy does not
distinguish between low-power men and high-power men, they are all part of an
unjust social system created by men that oppresses women and by being part of
that system, all men are privileged
members of patriarchy through their gender, and by association are all oppressive to women. If this is doesn’t sound right to you—please
take the time to actually read about Patriarchy as a concept (Feminist white paper on patriarchy here), there is a reason
that it is not agreed upon by all Feminists—but it is the central concept of
Modern Feminism as opposed to the original Women’s Liberation Movement (which favoured Woman-As-Child).
Feminism recognises the female gender role of mother/nurterer as
sacrifice. It does not recognise the male gender role of provider/protector as the same. It does not acknowledge my
father trading his happiness, his personal ambitions, his health, and in
several instances almost his life, as sacrifice. As he was paid for it, while my mother
remained financially dependent on him, feminism calls it male power.
My father had a life-long struggle with depression and
suicidal tendencies, attached in large to the fallout from his gender role. Neither of my parents felt powerful, neither
of my parents were oppressive to the other.
Early 1960’s feminism spawned a phrase ‘woman-as-nigger’–the idea that a woman’s powerlessness was similar to that of a black slave and it
is this concept that largely is the root of the concept of patriarchy. I therefore call my father’s gender role
obligations, ‘man-as-nigger’. A House Slave
had it better than a Field Slave; regardless both people remained slaves,
trapped in a life without choice, or the ability to pursue happiness and self-fulfilment
outside of their role.
My mother was a slave to her gender role; my father was a
slave to his.
I support Feminism’s objectives; I seek gender equality for
all and an end to gender issues. I cannot however support its philosophy. Feminism promotes inequality as one-sided, it
does not acknowledge that history and gender role has been cruel to both genders,
albeit in different ways. If I were to not acknowledge that, if I were to
ignore the sacrifice of the men who came before me, I would be disrespecting
them all including the one man who has always mattered to me most, the man who
along with my mother, made me who I am today.
Did you find this interesting? You might also enjoy the counter article "Why I'm not a Men's Rights Activist (MRA)?"
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Gudrun, Daniel and Eberhard Kroker |
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